As a child, I was fortunate in that I had an insanely fast metabolism. I could eat anything that I wanted and remained small for my age. Growing up in the 80s/90s, we were a generation of fish sticks, bologna sandwiches, boxed rice meals, mac and cheese, frozen pizza, and fast food quick stops. Certainly, not all families ate this way, but in a household with two working parents, it was about easy and quick. Now, my mom did try when she could, and I recognize that. There were evenings of stir fry and some slow cooker meals; however, as a general pattern, we ate food that I now know was not the best. At age 11, those choices caught up to me and I was no longer "skinny fat", but gaining weight rapidly.
Throughout middle and high school, I struggled with weight gain, restrictive eating, and mood swings associated with both being a teenager and my lack of understanding of what certain foods were doing to my overall health and wellness. I'd request certain items like salads and/or restrict my eating. When I noticed the lbs falling off, I continued on that path. However, I was severely limited with protein and good fat sources. I even had a friend once who did a daily check in with me to make sure I was eating enough. I sat down for family dinners and sometimes ignored the frozen pizza and opted for a salad. However, when I did this I could see my family disapproved whether they voiced it or not. Most of our family gatherings (as with many people) centered around food items. It was easier to indulge and make everyone happy rather than make healthy choices. To this day, when I go home for a visit, I get the "what should I buy for you to eat question?" or "Laurie eats weird, expensive foods." It is tough spot to be in. I'm not trying to inconvenience them or be burden. Since, it is usually only a short period of time, I've opted to make that time my "cheat week" or something along those lines.
College continued along much the same path, I indulged in cafeteria food for the first two years on my meal plan. However, I was much more active and walked around campus quite a bit. I somehow avoided the freshman fifteen. Nonetheless, by the time senior year arrived, the drinking/horrible food choices finally caught up to me. With that, I decided to do Weight Watchers and exercise obsessively--it worked. I was tiny my spring term of my senior year. However, the restrictive nature of my diet and exercise plan caused a great deal of stress on my relationships at that time. Then, I decided to become a vegetarian. That lasted about 3 years and consisted of many pasta dinners. As I write this now, it is apparent how food has influenced my life. Without that model of good choices growing up, I was never able to appreciate the idea of food as fuel vs. food as reward.
Post-college was more of the same. I tried diet after diet and cleanse after cleanse. While I was trying to get a handle on my health, I was a teacher and a waitress. These professions do not exactly lend themselves to making good choices. Instead of letting students get to me in the classroom, I'd go home and eat a bag of chips. If I had a profitable night at the restaurant, it was time for extra post-shift drinks. After, the regret of making these choices would eat away at me, but it was a vicious cycle that I could not seem to break.
In 2009, I took a big step in making better choices by diving into the triathlon world. I needed to eat somewhat healthier foods so as to avoid stomach upset during training. My diet transitioned a bit, but carbohydrates and energy gels definitely dominated my meals. So, even while exercising a ton, I still gained weight. That was frustrating, but I continued to slog through the races.
Then, when I quit teaching in 2011, and got engaged, I decided it was time for a real change. Or what I thought was a real change anyway. I joined a crossfit gym and learned what types of food would fuel me and help me lean down. And it worked! When I turned 31 that July, I was in the best shape of my life. I felt great and had the motivation of wearing a wedding dress in front of 100+ people in September. About a month before the wedding, we had a lot of family dynamics and situations that led me to abandon some of my knowledge. A week before the wedding, we had family and friends arrive, which was an added stress. I immediately slipped back into my bad habits. I'd been focused for nearly a year, and it took a few days to forget everything I learned. This led to me running 4 miles in the middle of the night before the rehearsal dinner because I was so upset for having a bag of crackers and wine. That may have been one of my lowest points in terms of food regret. Nonetheless, our wedding went off without any major hitches and we had a fabulous time.
Now that we are nearing the close of 2014, what have I learned through all these experiences? Knowledge is power. Support from your family and partner is everything, It is so much harder to go at it alone. Being a part of a community that embraces healthy choices is beneficial. We joined a our local CSA this year and that was a fantastic experience that I highly recommend. As of November, I joined two gyms (crossfit and my local gym), and created a workout/lifestyle choice plan for my co-workers and I to complete throughout the holiday season. Twitter and Instagram are great resources for motivational articles and pictures--I keep tabs on those daily to foster better choices. I feel that I am on the right path, but I know it will be easier if my partner, friends, and family are there with me. Every family, and every situation is different, but as the holidays come and go, remember it is about the time spent together and not the pumpkin pie.
Laura
